My Early Grief Reading List

For the first couple months after my friend Avery died, I set aside time each day to read more about bereavement. Did I prioritize this in a vain attempt to logic-brain my way out of processing my emotions? Well, maybe. But I also thought it was important to learn more about other people’s experiences and gain strategies for navigating a world without Avery.

As this chapter comes to a close and I feel less of a need to engage with the topic of grief every day, I wanted to share what I read with you. Shout-out to the clinicians and friends who passed on their recommendations and pointed me toward some amazing resources!

(Note: in most cases I'm using Bookshop links out of convenience, but know that I endorse supporting your public library and/or your favorite local bookstore.)

How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin

See this post for more about this book.

Grief… reminders for healing by Gale Massey

This is more like a pamphlet, small enough that it can fit in a wallet. The words are easily digestible, a crucial attribute when your mind is scrambled by the deep emotions grief brings. I read this every day, especially just before a journaling session or when feeling particularly low. Would recommend.

It’s Grief: Notes to Self by Edy Nathan

In this journal, Edy Nathan offers three prompts for each day that help you name your pain and ways you are moving through it. I completed the prompts most days during my leave and found it beneficial for tracking the evolution of my mental state.

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

Megan Devine knows her stuff. She is a psychotherapist who has helped her clients walk through grief, and she's experienced grief herself after witnessing the death of her partner. If the popularity of this recommendation is anything to go by, people resonate with her work.

The first half of It's OK That You're Not OK outlines the ways U.S. culture dismisses grief. The rest contains practical advice to survivors and their loved ones. Throughout are writing prompts and exercises that I enjoyed.

This book is very validating and an antidote to the well-meaning but unhelpful-at-best-harmful-at-worst remarks people sometimes share after a loss. I appreciated the reminder that there's nothing wrong with me for experiencing my grief so intensely.

All There Is with Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper started this podcast while navigating the recent death of his mother, coming to terms with the deaths of his father and brother in the process.

Multiple people suggested the episode featuring Stephen Colbert to me. Stephen lost his dad and two of his brothers at the age of ten, and he and Anderson have a poignant conversation about accepting grief. (And so much more, this sentence doesn’t do the episode justice.)

Other good listens: a friend pointed me to the very moving Sara Bareilles episode where she debuts a song inspired by the aforementioned interview. I also liked the interview with one of my favorite authors, Yiyun Li so much that I was inspired to revisit two of my favorite books...

Where Reasons End and Things in Nature Merely Grow by Yiyun Li

Yiyun Li’s two sons both died by suicide – Vincent at age 16 in 2017, James at 19 in 2024. Where Reasons End was written for Vincent; Things in Nature Merely Grow was written for James.

Where Reasons End is a beautiful, poetic portrayal of the conversations between a mother and her deceased son. Things in Nature Merely Grow is straightforward prose about losing Vincent and James. The theme I found most relevant is Yiyun’s exploration of time and the way those in mourning are forced to bear it in a world without their loved one/s. I processed time as a burden moving unbearably slowly after Avery died, so this reading was particularly salient.

I love these books and I love Yiyun Li. If you only read one thing from this list, make it one of these.

The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

This is the book I referenced in "What I Lost." I adapted my water ritual from its appendix, and it was one of the most powerful healing experiences during my leave. I recommend The Wild Edge of Sorrow for that alone.

Otherwise, Francis Weller proposes the “five gates of grief,” beginning with our typical conception of grief (losing someone you love) and expanding to include everything from unmet expectations to the losses our ancestors experienced. He also calls out the need to reckon with the death that surrounds us in the form of species extinction, wars, climate disasters, and more.

I appreciated the recognition of multiple types of grief and the acknowledgement that distress in the world affects us as individuals. There were parts that felt like filler, but overall I found the book's ideas illuminating, the endorsement of healing rituals compelling, and the language beautiful.

Come See Me in the Good Light (2025, dir. Ryan White)

When spoken word poet Andrea Gibson died of cancer last year, I was devastated. Their work meant a lot to me in high school and college, and it felt deeply unfair to watch someone so radiant die so early and in such pain.

This documentary was filmed during the last year of Andrea’s life. While depicting endless doctor’s appointments and the preparation of a final show, the movie shares Andrea’s life story, spotlights their relationship with their wife Megan, and offers wisdom from Andrea about dying.

It’s an insightful portrayal of the dying process and loving someone who is making that transition, and I recommend it. The movie is available on Apple TV.

The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us about Life After Loss by George A. Bonnano

TL;DR: I was not a fan of this book.

The author’s main thesis is that people are way more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. He also posits that our traditional understanding that grief needs to be processed in depth is misguided.

The Other Side of Sadness has kernels of truth (I especially appreciated the reminder that experiencing positive feelings after a loss is normal). However, it mostly made me feel like I was “too sensitive” because my world fell apart for a while after Avery died and I needed substantial time to process the loss.

Sometimes, I’ve bounced back quickly after the death of a loved one. This would be a great read if I were in that headspace and wanted validation that it's okay to be there, but that’s just not what I needed in this circumstance.

“The Queen of Dying,” Radiolab

The five stages of grief came up a lot in my reading – namely, the fact that grieving is nowhere near as neat as psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross proposed. Some people move quickly to acceptance without spending time in the other stages, while others might never “achieve acceptance.”

This reminded me of a Radiolab episode I listened to a few years ago. It explores the origin of the five stages, how they were created to describe the experiences of a dying person as opposed to bereavement, and Elizabeth’s complicated legacy. It’s a pretty good episode, and I enjoyed hearing it again.

No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering by Thich Nhat Hanh

I aspire to be a mindful person. However, I struggle to do so (to put it lightly). I’m always listening to podcasts while washing dishes, ruminating while I walk to the bus stop, watching WNBA highlights while eating, et cetera et cetera.

No Mud, No Lotus helped re-ground me in the practice of mindfulness. It discusses suffering and the specific ways mindfulness can help channel pain into happiness and joy. Like The Wild Edge of Sorrow, I appreciated the message that we are part of a greater collective. I also liked the mantras, meditations, and other happiness practices at the back of the book.

No Happy Endings: A Memoir by Nora McInerny

I adored this book. I loved it so much I read it in almost one sitting.

This is author and podcaster Nora McInerny’s second memoir. It describes how Nora fell in love with her current husband a year after experiencing the death of her first husband, the death of her father, and a miscarriage. It’s funny without being over-the-top, it beautifully showcases how heartbreak and joy can co-exist in the same moment, and it’s a powerful reminder that life rolls along even when you aren’t sure how that’s possible.

Dead Dad Jokes by Ollie Schminkey

These poems describe Ollie Schminkey’s experiences caring for their father at the end of his life. They share Ollie's experience of grief, describe the raw details of caregiving, celebrate queer and trans identity, and explore what it’s like to grieve deeply for a father who was absent or violent for much of Ollie’s life. There are many images and turns of phrase that resonated with me.

It’s also very visceral, with detailed descriptions of medical procedures, dying, and decomposition that almost made me put the book down. If you don’t have a strong stomach for graphic imagery, I would suggest passing on this one.

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

An excellent conclusion to my reading list. A Grief Observed consists of four journals C.S. Lewis kept after the death of his wife. He begins the book lonely, angry at God, and existentially confused. Eventually, he makes an important discovery that “the lifting of the sorrow removed a barrier” to being able to fully remember his wife's presence, and his faith is ultimately strengthened as he accepts his loss. Reading C.S. Lewis of all people express bitterness and doubt made me feel seen, and following along as he moved to a less distressed place showed me it was possible for me too.

Got another book or resource about grief I should check out? Let me know! I may not be intentionally immersing myself in the topic like I was this summer, but I always enjoy hearing what's helped other people.